Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
