A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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