is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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