after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
