College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
