btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize