They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
