you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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