I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
