I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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