I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
