Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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