I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
