i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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