Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
