you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
