you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
