the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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