So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
