he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
