You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
