don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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