I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
