I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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