Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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