Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
