its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
