Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize