i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
