just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
