Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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