I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
