what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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