I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
