I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
