Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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