she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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