party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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