Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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