Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
