Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
two words...techno handjob
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
