evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
this beer tastes like vomit already
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
