I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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