doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bring money and cleavage
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
