Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
