Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
