i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
