So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
two words: eviction party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
