since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize