I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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