i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
