chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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