After last night, I could never be a politician.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
