imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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