Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
