Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
