I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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