I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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