Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
