Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
