u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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