i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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