She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish I could teleport
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
