he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just pee around me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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