thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize