I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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