Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
