you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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