guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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