Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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