Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No subtext here. People are naked.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
