So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
