dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
only you would photoshop your dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
