Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
