This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
