i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ttyl tear gas
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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